The strategy cow

My eldest son has this toy. It is a cow (I think) which normally stands erect but when you push the base upwards it collapses. It perfectly describes how I feel when I come across lacklustre or cliched thinking – flacid, deflated and lacking in the strength to perform simple tasks like standing up properly.
From now on I will submit the strategies of the moment to the Strategy Cow for her to pass judgement.
In addition this service is offered absolutely free to you dear readers – simply submit a strategy of the moment to the Strategy Cow and see what she thinks.

Coke Zero
Great product, great packaging but what does the Strategy Cow think of the thinking – ‘All the good with none of the bad’?
Man in a panic submitted the new HP work to the Bovine Ajudicator with its thought that ‘the computer is personal again’.
Good news Panic. She loves the ads too.
A correspondent writes that the launch strategy for this juice drink is apparantly “Lets stay strong”. Over to you cow.
Ohh a shocker – Strategy Cow says its smells of a substance she frequently produces from her rear end.
Toyota Yaris
Apparantly the new Toyota Yaris is a small car that thinks its big, or its the small car that is big on the inside or some such iteration of the oldest and most boring car strategy in the known universe. Anyway it is not for me to pass judgement, that is the sole perogative of the intergalactic head of strategic grazing.
Nil points from the fresian jury.
I couldn’t find the ads that were refered to but I did find the lenor website and the idea that ‘the pleasure is all yours’. At first I was really keen to see this as a ‘dirt is good’ idea but alas no. Just read this twaddle from the site “In these time-pressured days, the idea of taking time-out just for you can seem like wishful thinking and any attempts to simplify your life may be easier said than done. However, Lenor recognises that even by making the process of doing the laundry easier and more pleasurable it can allow you to free up a little more precious time to do the things you really enjoy and to re-charge your batteries”. That is the ‘Birds Eye is the bird of freedom’ idea from the 80s(ohh look quick and easy frozen food means I can spend more time playing badminton). Grow up.
And the uddered umpire agrees too. When does she get to review a strategy that restores her to her fully upright position?
Apparantly Ribena uses up almost all of the UK’s Blackcurrants to make their tots squash. And, in the belief that this is a)a good thing b)interesting and c)a platform for preference, they have decided it should be their strategy. This despite the fact that it is not normally considered that monopoly is a good thing (see Microsoft) nor that it implies any sort of discretion in the selection of product ingedients. John West didn’t say ‘we hoover up all the fish we can lay our hands on willy nilly regardless of quality’ they said ‘its the fish John West rejects that makes John West the best’. Frankly I think that would have been a rather more desirable approach and a way to justify Ribena’s inevitable premium over own label. Moreover its not like Ribena have had to fight tooth and nail to lay their hands on all those blackcurrants – there is no other commerical use for our least desirable indigenous soft fruit. I’m afraid the strategy cow’s view is:
She adds since this is an M&C campaign her final and singular word on this is “indiscriminate”.

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20 Replies to “The strategy cow”

  1. I think strategy cow is spot on. However, I’ve just come back from an immersion session with teenagers and they love the coke zero work!

  2. Teenagers ain’t what they used to be.
    How can any of them think an ad that says, and i quote, ‘Office parties, without Brenda from finance’ is in the slightest bit amusing? I think that I am correct when I say there is a UN Security Council resolution that bans the office party cliche from global advertising.

  3. hehehe I like the strategy cow. Or whatever it is.
    What does the cow think about the launch strategy for Adez…Lets Stay Strong?

  4. Psssst, Strategy Cow – you and me girl – what do you think: Holystrategycow! Kinda trips off the tongue hey? Chew the cud for a while and let me know…

  5. Unfortunately the strategy cow doesn’t have a TV licence and has yet to feast her bovine eyes on Weiden’s attempt to do good work on an account not beginning with H. She will get back to you.

  6. Ooh, nasty. You’ve changed, Richard.
    Anyway, I’m thumbing through the Yellow Pages, under H.

  7. Oh anytime I get pokey about Weidens it backfires – cos they are really nice, decent and good people – especially the planners.
    Memo to self – lay off the good guys.
    Love to see the new Pizza Hut ads by the way Stuart.

  8. You’re spot on there Richard – we are the nicest ones.
    And we say things like ‘the sacred cow idea is great’. And mean it.
    Enough of this mutual lovefest. I’m off to write some greetings cards for Hallmark. Another ‘H’.

  9. Stuart – couldn’t understand your affection for the Yellow Pages anyway – the pitch with the amazing disappearing client trick.
    Anyway the Strategy cow is ruminating in her field awaiting the next crop of strategies to pass judgement on.

  10. What does the Cow say about the recent Mercedes stuff – all that ‘come on, admit it, you want one’.
    trying to usher back the Thatcherite 80s…

  11. Strategy Cow
    I give you Lenor.
    “Smells so good when you’re getting ready to go out…you want to stay at home smelling it all night. Whilst being weird with radiators etc.”

  12. As hilarious as that was, and as good as “strategy cow” sounds, I’m afraid there’s really no question that she is, in fact, a horse.

  13. Questions as to the parentage of the Strategy Cow abound, some say the very obvious stripes down her back suggest she is infact a zebra. Lets us not allow truth to get in the way of humour – strategy cow is just funnier.

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